Blessed one, you fear perfection.  You fear stepping too far in that you won’t be able to recoil and pull yourself out again.  And if they know how gentle and loving you are, what would you do then?  Oh, how  you hide it.  You are a chameleon in many ways, but you have a very tender heart and you often feel so alone, which is not an unusual state to feel.  
You’ve never really shared who you really are with anyone.  Well, perhaps there was one, and there was pain.  And now what to do, or how to not.  Realize with every choice you make, you make it.  It wasn’t put upon you. Things did not occur other than your choosing for them to occur.  So, before you choose or un-choose, ask yourself why.

Why do I do this?  Why do I fear?  Why am I afraid to love?  This is not the venue to have your entire life opened up to you, dearest one.   But you do know how to stop hiding yourself from getting into your way, you must be very brave.  You must step into the realm of fear and perhaps just do one thing a day even if it had nothing to do with what you think it might have to do with, but you can make choices and be strong within them and survive.

You’ve done no great harm.  You aren’t really in a place of no growth.  You are just frustrated with it.  Do you understand, my dear?  I thank you for asking.